I’ve tried online dating a couple times. On one of my favorite sites, there is a bank of thousands of questions you may pick and choose to answer and give other people insight into your personality, preferences, beliefs, etc. Some of the questions are funny, and some are serious. Some aren’t questions at all. For example, one of my favorites just says this: Normal or Weird? I chose weird.
Normal is boring and plain, like vanilla ice cream; hot dogs and French fries with no ketchup; white walls; familiarity. I actually like these boring, plain things, but they also make me weird. I love vanilla ice cream. The first time I ever had Blue Bell’s Homemade French Vanilla, I fell in love, and it was the only ice cream I had for a year! I don’t need sprinkles (blech!), chocolate sauce, or any other toppings. People say that’s weird. I love the simplicity of naked dogs and French fries. Lightly salted, crispy, fried potatoes, and juicy goodness of meat you’d rather not know where it came from against soft, fluffy bread…why would you want to tamper with that? Yep, that’s weird too. So, what does that mean? Normal is relative. So is weird! Everyone is both normal and weird in their own ways. I love the conversations chapter 8.8 struck. They definitely confirmed the relativity of what it means to be weird.
A lot of you out there who keep up with this crazy saga are also writers. I made up a word yesterday: lonerism. One thing that came out of those conversations yesterday was that a lot of you out there are just like Mia (and me). We’re all a bunch of loners! I suppose we would have to be given the time and energy we put into such awesome stories. But lonerism goes beyond stealing time away to go do something like writing. I’m sure there are plenty of writers who are very extroverted who need to be alone to write. I believe that lonerism, or introversion if you will, is a unique gift. A lot of people look at us and say that we’re weird. We’re not weird. We’re gifted! I once read that introversion at its core is all about the conservation of energy, believe it or not. I believe it’s true. Everyone has a certain energy level, and the loner’s energy level is much lower. That certainly explains why we’re exhausted after socializing for a while. But how awesome is it that the only thing we need to do to charge our batteries is to just be alone! Doing what? Doesn’t matter. We just need to be alone. Some people have to have to spend loads of money on vacations to get away, but we can get away in the privacy of our own homes. Our own minds even. I think it’s cool to be able to work through a problem quietly alone without having to involve the entire world. Although, I should probably do that less often seeing as how it’s made me to be the suffer in silence type. There are “weird” things about being a loner, and I can proudly admit that, but overall, lonerism is pretty darn awesome. I think it makes life simple. I don’t require much, and I don’t need much. A lot of what I need, I can find within myself (and God 🙂 ).
I think it’s funny how our brains work. It’s a known fact that most people are either good at writing or good at speaking. Very few people are actually brilliant in both areas of communication. Although I know that, it still baffles me that I’m not good at both. I love words. I like to think I use them well. I treasure them, and I don’t like for them to be wasted (which is why I prefer talking only when I need to say something). “Chatty Cathy” has never been a superlative used to describe me :-). However, with a pen in my hand, or keys under my fingers, something happens. I wish I could explain it, but I suppose it’s just one of those things. Suddenly words I had been reluctant to say spill all over the screen and pages in my journals. I could write five pages about my day, but if you ask me how my day was, you know exactly what I’d say. “Fine.” Those of you who are with me know exactly how many synapses were fired and how many waves of emotion wash over me in the one second it takes to say “fine” and how and why “fine” is a perfectly acceptable answer if at least for the protection of the person asking. When I need to give comforting words to someone, I’ve got nothing. But if I were to write them down, I feel like I could heal the world of all of its sadness. How does this work? How is it that the same brain that can write such beautiful words is the same brain that has to force words into sentences? It’s like my brain has two streams, and whenever words come floating down, they’re always routed down the same one stream. I dunno. It’s strange. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not an awkward churchmouse who can’t function in life–although, I used to be. The older I get, the more comfortable I get with talking. Strangers and acquaintances can’t even tell that I’m an award-winning actress ;-). But that goes back to the whole concept of loners conserving energy. We need to be alone to recover from everything we have to do to appear normal! We expend energy all day smiling and talking and laughing (genuinely, or not) and being social. A lot of times we enjoy doing this, but we can’t do it for long. At some point, we need to retreat and recharge so we can do it all over again. We can recharge our own batteries folks! It’s a superpower.
THE END (<– only about five of you will be able to appreciate why this is really funny lol)
A lot of what I need, I can find within myself (and God 🙂 ) – ME TOO!
“OMG me too!!! People STILL assume that I’m snobbish and judgemental because of this! Can you believe that? And I’m soo much better in social situations than I was, but I still feel awkward at times.”
^^ Me, too. In fact, tonight, I had to go to a meet & greet for work. It really had nothing to do with me, but I was told I needed to go. It involved things I’m not comfortable with at all: social drinking & mingling. Now, I don’t mind some socializing as long it is with people I already know and am comfortable with. So, I did have a decent time. But, I don’t really drink (I mean, once in awhile I like a mudslide or kahlua and cream). I didn’t grow up with it. I really dislike the taste of most alcohol. So, not only did I have to deal with awkwardness with small talk, but I also had to deal with drunk people. Ugh.
I also get some people who find me judgemental or rude. However, once people get to know me, they just find I’m a socially awkward person who really is a funny person who likes to make people laugh. If I love you enough, I am loyal, too. <3
😀 I have another twin! We’re alike in a whooooole lot of ways.
Hmmmm…loyalty. Maybe that will be the next “movement” I start lol. I could go on for days about that one!
I had the very same situation last week (social gathering after work), but I was very proud of how I handled it. In the past, I would have just lied and made up a reason why I “couldn’t” go. I hate lying. It makes me feel bad. But, for this latest situation, I was brave enough to tell them, plainly, “No. I don’t want to.” I was very proud of myself 🙂
Twins! Yay! <3
Loyalty is definitely something I value. Even when I don't want to at times. I'm loyal and faithful to my husband and plan on it for the rest of my life. <3 Loyalment 😉
We should all be proud of how we stay true to ourselves! 😀 Unfortunately, in this case, I was told I had to go. :/ It's been happening more lately, which I'm not thrilled about. I don't even want to get started on it. I'm just trying to do the best I can and grow as a person. It'll be good for me, but I dislike it. Of course, any growing we do is probably out of our comfort zone. 😀
Ugh! Comfort zone! Yes.
Enjoyed your post! I, too, am a loner.
Glad you enjoyed!
I read an article once that described how introvert”s and extrovert’s brains were different. They described it as everyone having an optimal level at which the brain needed to be. Like degrees on a thermometer there is a “too high,” “too low,” and “just right.” The stimulus the brain receives determines the level our brains are at. Too much stimuli causes has anxiety. Too little stimuli results in boredom or depression.
Well, an extravert’s brain is far beneath that optimal level (the “just right” level) so they need to seek outward stimuli (going to parties, phone conversation, ect.) to bring their brain up to the optimal level. An introvert’s brain is already very close to that optimal level, so they don’t need as much outward stimuli (social interactment) to keep their brain happy.
So, basically we keep ourselves occupied and don’t need other people to keep us from getting bored. 🙂
Sorry for the rambling. I just loved your post! I’m always interested in conversations like this. Lonerism is awesome! 🙂
This is good to know about you 🙂 Thanks for the science too! Stimuli, energy, there is So much to this subject!
Introverts unite with this discussion!!
There was one part that particularly resonated with me, when you mentioned how you felt/acted when you were younger. When I was younger I felt awkward and insecure when I was surrounded by people who could mingle so effortlessly. As I get older I still don’t really converse any more or easier, but I don’t feel insecure about it. I’m just happier to sit back and observer most of the time. And I only contribute to the conversation when I feel like I have something meaningful to say.
The biggest misconception I’ve run into as an adult is finding out that some people thought I was snobbish or judgmental because I didn’t talk to them much. This was sort of devastating to me, because it’s the complete opposite who I really am. I’m completely comfortable with being a loner, but I do wish everyone understood it better.
I could write more…maybe I’ll do a post too. LOL For now I’m off to read ARoseInBloom’s.
OMG me too!!! People STILL assume that I’m snobbish and judgemental because of this! Can you believe that? And I’m soo much better in social situations than I was, but I still feel awkward at times.
Same! Especially when I can’t keep up with small talk conversations. Immediately people think that I’m acting like a snot because I don’t know how to converse about shoes or bags or which famous person is pregnant. Generally I either stop talking or try to change topics to something deeper, which I am learning people perceive to be rude. Like I think I’m better than them!
I’m not…I just don’t know how to talk about shoes more than…’those look nice!’ Ha! I’m not alone!
Ha! I hate “that look” they give when they turn to me and ask for my opinion…and I give it…the real one lol. I like living on the deep end of the pool. They don’t like that lol.
I was truly shocked when I first learned about this perception that people had of me. And I also thought “Wow, they think I’m judging them and they’re really judging me!” For a while I even felt bad about that. I had to stop and remind myself that I hadn’t actually done anything wrong.
Yep. I’m someone who felt bad for inadvertently hurt some people’s feelings. I’m totally a snob. 😛
Totally lol.
It still shocks me. I mean, how DOES one get judgement and snobbishness from silence?? I just don’t get it.
Ah it won’t let me reply to your reply to this comment Jes. But I think that people reach that conclusion because of some bit of insecurity on their part. I don’t even mean that they’re very insecure people, but a small seed of insecurity can go a long way.
I TOTALLY agree and believe that is true! Insecurity makes people do a lot of things. I think that’s where bullies come from.
I can relate to this so much! I still get this. 😐 I had hoped that people would grow out of it or something, but it seems to persist decade after decade.
Have you read Quiet, The Power of Introversion in a World that Can’t Stop Talking? I’ve always been happy to be an introvert, though I knew other people, like my parents, thought it was a weakness. But this book really has a lot of great stuff about the strengths (powers!!) of introversion.
I love french vanilla ice cream. Also, I found out in adolescence that if I was upset, I could figure it out through journalling instead of talking.
And yes, small talk is draining but meaningful conversation can be energizing, I agree!
[Gasp] Don’t get me started on how journaling changed my life!! 🙂 I haven’t read that book, but I might.
Aack! You’ve got to check out @aroseinbloom ‘s contribution to this discussion–she quotes from Quiet! (Aroseinboomsims.com )
I saw that! definitely gotta check it out now.
Life. Changing. Book. I don’t quite remember how that book made in on my reading list, but once I started I couldn’t stop. So many great insights and ideas with studies to back them up! I quoted my favorite one in my reflection post on this. But yes…such a good book and I truly believe that being an introvert is a strength, too!
I’ll check it out.
I love that you love vanilla ice cream. <3
I love her description of eating vanilla ice cream!
Vanilla ice cream is my favorite too!!
You know what I feel like doing now? I feel like I need to do a post called “Ice Cream” and list all the flavors I like and relate them to life some kind of way lol.
Vanilla ice cream is the best…though I admit that I like sprinkles.
Ick!
Do it! 😀
Confession: I actually loathe vanilla ice cream. But so many people that I think are special and neat are vanilla-ice-cream-lovers. It’s weird! What does it mean?
If I think about it hard enough I could come up with an answer lol
I love this, too! I want a t-shirt that says Lonerism/Lonersim
I’ve been reflecting on how valuable Sims are for loners–they give us a chance to observe interactions of groups of others without experiencing that energy drain! (Though I must admit, after a large wedding or playing a houseful of 8 Sims, I can still feel a mild version of people-drain!)
Thanks for developing this conversation! And also, I LOVE your YOU voice!
You know…you’re exactly right! I never thought of it this way! I love it!! I’ve thought about it many times. I keep asking myself WHY do I love this game so much? There were times in TS3 when I would get bored with the game and would stop playing for long periods of time. But each time I came back because I missed it. Why would I keep going back to something that bored me so much?
This reminds me of that first Let’s Play video I did when I was taking care of the four babies (AND the four parents). It was rough lol. I did feel some anxiety with that, but I thought it was just because it was hard to manage. But now that you mention this, it’s the same feeling I get when I’m done socializing lol.
I love these conversations 🙂 Many many months ago when aroseinbloom and I were just getting to know each other, we had a conversation about small talk. I’m sure you know exactly what that was all about. This is more my speed 😀
Me, too. And our Sims, too. Do you ever notice that it’s the lonersims and creative-type sims who ALWAYS choose “Deep Conversation!” Those of us who need to go within to get energized find deep conversation energizing! Those who get energy from large social gatherings love small talk and find deep conversations draining!
Never! Mind blown. Great observation!
Love. And has got me thinking about an update of my own…
You’re entirely right, though. Introversion is something that can get lost on other people.
Definitely takes a special person to want to deal with us 🙂
You can’t end it there! XD Bahahahaha.
But this was definitely an inspirational post, this defines what writers and most other people are and how we are special in our own way. We can be what or who we want to be, as long as it’s ok with ourselves, we can be us.
Oh, and we should get t-shirts with Lonerism on it! 😉
HA!!! YEEEES!
Or maybe… Just the entire title of this blog post on a t-shirt! 😀
That’s right! And we are awesome.
Agreed!